9

just got back from walking around the Utsunomiya with Kwan. we walked for about 4 hours. we walked straight down my street and to the river and kept going. went to Perco. talked alot. she confirmed, asian hair doesn't take to easily to blonde. i love that it resists. we kept talking about the future. plans. what we can do to take up our time and make our experience worthwhile. cooking classes? english tutoring? volunteering at the elementary schools? festivals to go and experience? we bought monthly calendars to keep track of all that is going on and want to take in. right now, for example, is apple season. we can go pick apples. sounds awesome. this mexican's gonna pick some fruit--for fun. ha. it's funny...i can't see past today. making plans just seems...futile. like i'm trying to catch light in my hand. like i'm trying to catch time. i can't see past today.

we walked by a temple. we walked in. there were grave stones, workers there. we walked out. i wasn't sure we could just up and walk in, but kwan said her japanese teacher said it was fine. regardless, we thought this one might be more of a cemetery. we kept walking, then i saw it. another temple. buddha calling me. i walked through the doors and sensed serenity. again, i felt like i was intruding. like i wasn't pure enough to walk in and be. and then it called to me. peace. Trees, Plants, yellow and orange Leaves on the ground. A groundskeeper was raking. He was wearing a sort of light blue wrap, like an everyday kimono. He had on some slippers and socks. i wanted to rake leaves with him. i wanted to walk no further and just stay there. rake leaves. sit. breathe, listen. purify. cleanse. be. buddha statues holding prayer beads. hand up. welcoming me. i felt welcome. i think i will go back. i wish that i could speak so that i can talk to him and make sure i'm not intruding, being disrespectful. make sure i follow protocol. make sure. but maybe, words just get in the way. maybe i need to stop talking for a while. and listen.